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Terra J H

When you’re young, the thought of spending forever with someone seems like a dream. Then when you find someone that you actually see spending forever with it feels like a dream come true. But unfortunately sometimes that person isn’t the right one. Sometimes that person breaks your heart.

My husband and I met almost seven years ago; the second I saw him I could feel myself drawn in. Like a moth to a flame our romance started almost instantaneously. He was the closest to what I though perfect could be and his arms quickly became my safe home. He was in the military and after we were married a year and a half later I gave up my life to support him and his dreams in the Army. Deployments, field time, sniper school; we went through it all. Ups and downs, flaws and all he remained my person. Arguments didn’t last long and we always made up before going to bed. Passion, like you see between Allie and Noah on The Notebook, fueled our flames. He lit my fire everyday. We moved from Colorado, to Hawaii, to Louisiana and along the way welcomed two border collies and a son into our family. My life was ideal, what a lot of people strive to find. Recently he went away again for a six week leadership course.

Sunday March 25th at 6pm, that life was torn to bits in a five minute phone call. He was leaving. He didn’t love me anymore and couldn’t force himself to be happy with someone he had fallen out of love with. He didn’t want to go to counseing, he was just done. My chest caved in and my breathe stopped. All I could do was stare blankly at this life I had worked so hard to build begin to fall down around me. Why? After all these years and the sacrifices I made, the love and appreciation I poured out to him just meant nothing. The promises, the vows we took, the commitments we made were nothing.

I have felt a large ray of emotions in the 9 days it’s been since my world was set ablaze and I’ve heard many people tell me what they think I need to hear. But the reality of the situation is this..

We often times get so caught up in someone else we stop living for ourselves. At the end of the day your person, your true person will never give up on you. The right person will see your flaws and your shortcomings and they’ll still love you at your worst. No matter what you do you still won’t be enough for the wrong person. No amount of begging and pleaded and bargaining will change that. So now I will pick up my pieces and arrange them how I see fit for myself and for my sweet nine month old baby boy who needs his mother to be the strong, fierce, independent woman she knows she can be. And someday, when the time and place are right and I am whole and healed, I will find the man who will make me believe in forever again.

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