Dear all that are reading this,
I feel in love with a boy that barely knew I existed. Silly I know but at 17 that was the first boy that I ever felt real feelings for. I am a very shy girl and talking to boys is very hard for me. I met B when I was 16 at my first job, he walked in and when I saw his face I immediately went red. He was so handsome to me with his blue eyes, brown hair and dimples. I then recognized his face at school a few days later on the other side of the hallway walking with his friends. I would go home and dream about talking to him, I built up this whole relationship in my head for the next several months. One day I even talked to him at work and he smiled and laughed with me, that smile on my face didn’t leave for the next whole week. Sadly however in my teenage naiveness I was so wrapped up in my make believe relationship with him that I began to feel extremely real feelings of love. But of course a boy as handsome as he was it wasn’t long before he found a girlfriend, completely ruining the dream I held of us one day possibly getting married, I know this seems very extreme but this was the first crush I ever had and in my head which had only at this point seen movies that made any love seem possible and never ending, he was my person always kind and offering a smile. After finding this out for the next couple of months I went through an extremely depressed phase in my life where I believed that I had no chance of ever finding love. Needless to say I was heartbroken over a relationship that was all in my head but man did it tear me up. I slowly got out of my depressive state by writing poems about loss and all sort of other things and it had really helped me. I still for some reason get overly attached to boys/men that I have little connection with other then the fact that they are some of the rare guys that catch my attention. I see B sometimes and still get uncomfortable, like one would as if they were holding a secret from another. I don’t have feelings for him anymore but he really changed me, I no longer build anything up in my mind. I try and distance myself even more from guys only vying for physical attention at this point rather than emotional. I play aloof to all feelings including my own. But I do find myself wishing I had someone to talk to this more about with and understand why I got so attached to someone I barely had a friendship with.