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I met a man through my job. One day we had to go on a trip to another county together and really connected on the drive. We started talking as friends and then it became sexual. We were having a fling but I really liked him. He started opening up more and it became more than just sex. Things were going great and we were connecting emotionally. He would tell me I was making him the happiest he has ever been. There was a catch though. He had two children with another woman he was divorced from. They had a rocky past and I knew he felt bad about all the drama that had happened while they were together. He ended up ghosting me for a weekend and I was crushed. Finally, he told me that he was reconnecting with his ex. We remained friends but it was difficult. A few weeks went by and their relationship didn’t work out. He came back to me and we started a relationship. We eventually told each other we loved each other and it was becoming serious. We talked about the future and I met his kids. I spent all my time with him. We met each others families. Life was wonderful. Then one day he had a parent teacher conference and was late to dinner. He just said that he had spent time talking with his ex and that was that. I felt like he was becoming distant. In a moment of panic and impulse, I looked through his phone. He was telling her about how he was feeling and that he was really down on himself. I was hurt because he didn’t express this to me. I sat on the information for a couple of days and then wrote him a letter. I explained that I was hurt he was talking with her and not me. I said I was sorry I looked through his phone and invaded his privacy. He became angry and didn’t talk to me for a day. It was the start of a work week and I felt awful because he hadn’t talked to me. He wasn’t at work. I went home and found him packing all of his things. We didn’t live together but we kept a lot of things at our homes. I begged and pleaded with him. “Are we over?” I sobbed. “Yes we are done.” He talked a little bit mostly just kept packing. I begged him to reconsider. He said I broke his trust and he had dealt with someone looking through his stuff and wasn’t going to do it again. He left. That work week was rough. I saw him but he wouldn’t talk to me. That weekend I saw a picture on his aunt’s instagram with a group photo. His ex was there too. Not too unusual because his aunt always hangs out with his ex but it stung. Felt like he was leaving me for her again. I finally talked to him a little the next week. We agreed to be friends. He explained that yes his ex was there but it was a big get together. I asked if they were “trying” to work it out. He said they had a conversation about it. It breaks my heart. I dealt with this once when we were just a fling but now there is love there. I feel lost. I feel broken. I want to reach out to him but I don’t want to push him away. I honestly in my heart think he will come back. I think we can come back stronger. I am just waiting it out at this point. Trying to heal myself. I hate talking to friends and family about it now because they just tell me to move on. I went from having 24/7 contact to zero. I know he still loves me but I just don’t know when he will come back. I am sure I am in denial but my heart tells me he will come back. I miss him, his kids and his family. I honestly thought we would get married and I would help raise his children. I was very close to them. It hurts so much to think about never seeing them again. His son’s birthday is coming up and I hate that I won’t be there to celebrate it with him. I love this man but he ripped my heart out. I just don’t know how go on.

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