Sarah B

Our relationship started out like a fairytale.

Even though I wasn’t interested in him initially, he fought and fought to be able to call me his.

Every time I tried to reject him (gently and with ease), he’d give me this charming smirk and say “You really think I’m giving up that easily?”

I guess that’s what swept me off my feet-nobody had ever made such an effort to be a part of my life. I felt so cherished and appreciated, which I never had before.

When I finally caved and we began dating, I found myself in a storybook relationship; one that I had no idea existed in person. He surprised me with flowers and sweets on my doorstep weekly, never failed to tell me how beautiful and intelligent he thought I was, and took me on the most extravagant dates. The more I spent time with him and got to know him, the more I realized that we connected more than I ever have with any other guy.

I wasn’t afraid to share my feelings and thoughts, even the dark ones, with him and be completely myself. He didn’t just become my boyfriend, he became my best friend. He knew me better than anyone.

He was a lot of firsts for me.

He took my virginity, and he was my first real love.

As the relationship progressed throughout the year, I began to notice small behaviors come out of him that I had never seen before.

His hyper-jealousy began to shine through, to the point where every time I would leave my house he would accuse me of being with another guy.

I would have to send pictures of where I was just to prove to him that I wasn’t secretly with somebody else.

This was the root to a lot of violent arguments between us, ones that always led to him victimizing himself.

I began to realize what a pro victim he was; nothing was ever his fault.

He had a lot of family issues and past struggles, and used that against me constantly to guilt me into giving him his way.

At the time I didn’t understand, but now I know what a master manipulator he was to me. I swept all these abnormal behaviors and red flags under the rug because I was so caught up in the initial connection we shared and the way he treated me in the beginning of our relationship.

He would always make it up in some way that totally blinded me from the real problem. Several times he even told me he planned on marrying me.

I wish I hadn’t let that cloud the abuse that went on for so long.

During the spring we decided to go on a vacation together, and since I knew he wasn’t doing too well financially, I offered to fully pay for it. It wasn’t an issue, and I was happy to do it.

However, I noticed during the trip that he was very sensitive about his phone. Whenever I would touch it he would totally snap, and snatch it back as fast as he could.

This lingered in the back of my head, but I didn’t act on it until a few weeks later. I’ve never been the type of girlfriend to go through my guy’s phone, but that’s exactly what I found myself doing.

I was so suspicious and honestly terrified.

He had fallen asleep when I snuck into it, and found exactly what I had feared. He was sending provocative pictures to several girls, and sexting them as well.

Not only that, but to these different girls he was making fun of me, and even said to one of them “I was just waiting for her to pay for my vacation, and then break up with her after.”

I felt like I was reading something written by a total stranger.

Not only was the person I considered my best friend and first love being unfaithful, but he was using me.

It totally shattered me. My heart and my self esteem.

That was the end the longest and most committed relationship I ever had.

I still miss him and have the urge to check up on him all the time, and I don’t know why.

It’s crazy how the people who hurt you the most can still mean so much to you.

Posted in Heart Break.

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