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I’ve been dating this guy for close to 9 years. He was everything to me, and we went through so much together. I don’t even know where to begin.
We met each other in our freshman year of high school and things were going so well up until a couple years ago.
Let me start by saying that my parents were not the most accepting people, and although they always knew about him, they didn’t accept our love until about a year ago. We were constantly hiding from my very old school family. They didn’t like him, but they knew that I loved him regardless, so they turned a blind eye to our relationship. We were sneaking around trying to see each other as often as possible, and I believe this is part of the reason why he grew tired of me.
Years went by this way. Although I knew how much he didn’t like living with me this way, I made sure to shower him with all the love, support, and attention I had so he never had to feel remorse over my overbearing family. I accepted him for all his faults and tried to help him whenever I could with what little time and money I had.
He had a couple rough patches in his life where I tried to be there, but I knew he needed the space to clear his head. I suspect the very first time he separated from me was when it started.
I found evidence that made me believe he’s known this other girl for many years now, since the first time we were on a short break. Although there was an unspoken silence that we were to not mess around with anyone else, he’s broken that promise.
Eventually we got over that misstep and took each other back like nothing ever happened to us in the first place, but a couple months after making up, I sensed something was wrong. Something didn’t add up.
This was three years ago, and I’ve had that feeling ever since. It’s made me insecure about myself and my abilities to maintain his love and affection.
A couple days ago I found out that that source of uneasiness has to do with this girl he’s been seeing. When confronted, he tells me that she reminds him of me when we first started dating; happy, carefree, loving him and my life. I hated hearing it from him, but I knew it was true.
I’ve been so in my own head that I failed to realize how pushy I was being. Instead of focusing on having fun with him, I was focused on being my best for him, to gain his love and recognition so he would never turn to another female. I failed. In his eyes, I was not fun anymore, just much too overbearing.
He started planning dates with her to fun destinations, things we only saved for special occasions in our relationship. He hid this under a ruse of taking on a “night job” so he had a reason not to answer my text or calls at night. I still don’t know if he’s really working that second job, or if this is all a lie too.
He claims she doesn’t know about me, but his whole family knows and accepts me as their own, so I can’t imagine what he’s hiding from them. He wants to keep me a secret from her and talked me into not saying a word about us to her, but I don’t really know if she’s as oblivious as he makes her out to be.
He points out that he still loves me, and the ring we chose out together proves so. The engagement ring that I’ve worn since my birthday a couple months ago, right before he allegedly claims he started dating her.
He says he still wants to be with me because his affection for this girl is only skin-deep, but I think there’s more to it than he’s telling me. I’m afraid that he’s going to wake up one day and realize what a mess I am, and he’ll leave me. This thought takes up every corner of my mind when I’m alone, and it starts to get crippling.
My parents adore him now, and I don’t even have the heart to tell them in fear that they might chastise him if they ever found out. I don’t ever want his reputation to be marred by this mistake.
To keep him as my fiance, I’ve agreed to let him continue seeing her, but under the condition that he never lies to me about her again. If he at least tells me when he’ll be with her, at least I’ll know he’s not lying to me anymore; at least that’s what I reasoned with myself. I know he’s still lying to me about her though.
I know he’s doing all the fun things with her I wish I was doing with him. I know whenever I ask him out, he can’t see me because he’s already made plans with her. I know she’s making him happier than I am right now, because she doesn’t have to worry about me.
I hope beyond everything that she is just a fling. That he’ll get over her if I just give him the time to have fun instead of crushing him with dreams about our future together. Then he’ll come back to me when he realizes how much I love him, even with all his faults. The thought that he might pick her anyways is slowly crushing my heart. I don’t believe there’s a worse feeling than battling this depression by yourself.
Everyone has tried to help and talk me into leaving him, but I love him too much to do so. I know he’s lying to me constantly, but I also know that he still loves me deeply as well, and I can’t let him go. Sometimes I feel it’s better if I don’t wake up at all, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this pain, so I can continue to dream of a happy future together. It gets harder and harder to force myself to wake up, go to work, and go to bed every night. I don’t have an appetite anymore, and I can’t find it within me to care about my well being. My whole life revolves around this agonizing love I have for him.
I don’t know what to do anymore except to drown myself in work. Even that’s not helping at the moment. I just want him to love me like how he used to before her. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy again otherwise.

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