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Lila B

I dated a man for 9 years. It was the greatest love story of my life, so far.

Sadly, as the years went on I noticed he was becoming checked out of the relationship. I tolerated it because I always remembered our love story, the beginning of us. Also, he never indicated that he was checked out because of me. He suffered depression (untreated) and I was empathetic. We were still building a life together, we bought a house. So, I figured we were secure. Things were very comfortable. I worked on myself- went to fitness classes, completed a college program (part-time), read, watched a lot of documentaries. I still loved him, despite not spending a lot of quality time with him. We were roommates more than anything else.

I suppose I convinced myself things were fine. We had love and respect for each other, we took care of our responsibilities, he was a sweet person. At the age of 33, I finally realized there could be more out there for me. That I had been tolerating so much for so long. I wanted children (he didn’t) and I knew I only have one life to at least try and get what I wanted out of it.

I left. It was devastating for both he and I. I didn’t leave for lack of love. I’ll always love him for who he is and what he meant to me. Months later I met someone new. He had the qualities I was looking for and we began a passionate love story. He was family oriented and came with 3 kids. I was okay with this, as long as he was open to the possibility of more children, he indicated he was. He said we’d talk about it more down the road. One day, about a year into our relationship, he randomly said “the only thing I can’t give you is kids”. I was shook. Why didn’t he tell me this from the beginning? Why did he dangle the carrot? I am now 35 and planning on leaving this one. He doesn’t want kids and I’ve discovered he’s not wanting the things I want. Precious years have past by me. I can only hope that all of this compromise and heartbreak will lead me into what it is I truly want. Best wishes to all of you. Thanks for reading my story.

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