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January 14, 2017; the day I lost my best friend and lover. Nothing was wrong with him, unfortunately he didn’t die, it was just the fact that he was a cheating ass bitch, and it took me 10 months to realize that. And I say that in the most nicest way possible. He was “like coming up for fresh air.” Like “I was drowning” and he saved me. (those are the words of the great Derek Shepherd professing his love to Meredith Grey). And that’s exactly how I felt. And when I found out about him cheating.. it was as if a piece of me had been yanked out of my body, and since then, I’ve been trying to get it back. And slowly but surely, all those missing pieces are coming back. That night, I texted him because I knew he was at the studio recording a new song(supposedly). And may I say this song has terrible lyrics and the beats are wack as fuck. But of course, at the time, being his girlfriend, I had to support him, no matter how much I hated the damn song! Anyways.. I texted him letting him know I was sorry for being such a bad girlfriend to the point he would have to cheat on me. “I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted, and I’m sorry for not being enough.” I remember my exact words. To this day.. those words are hard to repeat, because deep down I know I did what I could for him. For us. And I know I was the best girl friend and best friend any one could ever wish for. I have come to realize that I am THAT bitch, and never again will I love anyone like that. I will never ever let anyone in my life like that, and no one will ever get to know me like that. Because no one deserves to. Recently, my actual 5+ year best friend stopped talking to me because she replaced me with her new boyfriend :). So when I say, no one will ever get to know me the way they both did. I mean it.
2017 has been the worst, yet most eye opening year for me. I lost the two most important people, the two people I thought would be there forever. I’m grateful I realized what pieces of shit they actually are, but it stills saddens me to think all that time was a waste. Nevertheless, I am more than happy they are out of my life. Here’s to new beginnings. And better people to come into our lives. People who will never take us for granted and will appreciate our effort. People who, when they say the phrase “I love you”, will actually mean it.

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