Lana

Dear N,

Since we first met freshman year there has been a connection, a certain electricity between us. Even when everything is messed up a stare from you can make anyone feel so reassured, so important. Today night I typed “I think I’m in love with you” into the text bar. I almost sent it. I deleted it and typed “Hey can we talk?” I deleted it. I typed “Hey” and deleted it.

The next morning I found out you got a girlfriend, your first one. She is beautiful and athletic and likable and everything I’m not. I told you I was happy for you, smiled when I saw you holding hands and clapped when you first kissed her, all the things a good friend should do. Then I ran into the bathroom and threw up. It has been three days and I have not thought about a single thing except you. It’s funny I thought things like that only happened in movies. You always loved movies, if only you would love me.

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