I met a boy almost 2.5 years ago in my dorm in college. The whole time I knew him has been painful. I was young, naive, and shallow. I didn’t know how to start solid relationships with boys even in the past. We hooked up the second night we met. But I found out there was another girl he liked and I also found out he had just broken up with his ex. I hoped someday we could be together but it never happened. I had psychics tell me we will end up together. It never came true. Few months later I found out he was talking to his ex again. I spent all last year fearing they’d get back together and in the summer they did. I’ve had to cut him out of my life and even some of our mutual friends. He’s never really reached out to me since I’ve stopped talking to him. But I’ve realized he and I hungout through a social setting hooking up but we never became good solid friends. We would hangout alone sometimes but I’d just end up with ya hooking up. I feel like I messed up because I hooked up with him so quick and THEN fall for him so quickly instead of becoming friends and getting to know him. Over half a year later it’s getting a little better but I’m still having a hard time getting over him. It’s ruined my self esteem and depressed. But I’m starting to realize he’s not really my ideal guy but I’m still sad we never had a chance. It’s even harder because I haven’t found a new guy to like. It’s also been hard because I’ve kept this a secret from almost everyone bc I was afraid he’d find out. I know I have to keep him out of my life, stop looking at his social media, learn from this, grow as a person, find a new boy, and finally move on. But deep down I’m sad we never had a chance but you can’t lose what you never had.