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 loved him. No matter what people say I know I did. And he loved me too, no we weren’t too young as people like to point out. Because love is love and there is no age limit for it. Me and him experienced the best kind of it . So pure and innocent, without flaw.
I used to hate him so much at first, never even used to give the boy a second thought. But somehow the universe forced us together. People were always like omg youse would be cute omg youse fight like a married couple and before I knew it me and him had became a thing. There was an element of beauty in the fact that it was all unplanned and just shouldn’t have been yet there we were, starting something that has changed me as a person forever.
Even after we became official I was never really sure about him, I was so distant and never really giving it my 100, but he was patient, kind and persistent. So focused on the idea that we were meant to be and I really had no choice in the matter but to love him back.
And I did love him back eventually the boy become my world. He became my best friend, my everything. He made me feel things that I’d never felt for anyone. There was a spark within me that no one else had ever managed to ignite before.

I started to believe that maybe there was such things as soulmates. I thought me and him would never come to an end we would become childhood sweethearts, get married and grow old together. Because surely God wouldn’t bring such an amazing being into my life just to take him away again. He was so mature, if he ever made any promises best believe he would keep them.

What we had was just great, one month turned into two a month into a year and before I knew it a year into two. I started to believe he wasn’t human cause I had never met a boy with such respect and compassion. Even on my bad days when all I would give him is grief and bare attitude the boy still placed his happiness above mines.

Which is why I hate him so much, if he maybe argued with me more or acted up at times then he would have flaws. It would be easier to get over him. I wouldn’t still be here till this day asking myself why two years of my life were wasted on someone who was gonna hurt me in such a way. Why the world thought I deserved to be taught such a cruel lesson and at such a young age.

He killed so many good things inside me. And because of him I am hurting. But it’s not even the kind of hurt that there’s a solution to. It’s the kinda hurt that shall never go away and I’ll just have to pretend I’m happy. People say time is a healer but it’s not in fact time just makes it worse. As time passes you come to realise that thanks to him that’s years of ur life you shall never get back. That’s lessons you were forced to learn too young.your heart is filled with distrust that you can never overcome. The difference between right and wrong becomes blurred. You fall for bad boys because being treated like shit has become society’s new kind of “love”. Forever viewing urself as damaged goods, it’s not his fault they say he too was hurt. If you question his harsh treatment towards you they claim you wanna break his heart. Endless mind games, continuous toxic behaviour is how our generation defines love. Individuality discouraged however meaningless interactions society applauds.
I should have learned by now how to be alone, but I crave any sort of human interaction to feel love. A meaningless “hello” and “how are you” I shamefully claim to be a blessing in disguise. Time and time again I fail to comprehend the boys only interest was to waste my time. Force me to forget myself, my values, my beliefs and all the ways in which I’d rather pass my time.
Yet if he came knocking I’d take him back. I’d welcome back with open arms. An embrace in which I’ll never wanna part. Mama looks and shakes her head.
You fool she says, how will you learn once you’re dead.

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