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This is the first time i’m ever writing this down with plans to actually send it. It may seem trivial but my father never wanted me. He wouldn’t let his parents ever know me (they are cowardly) but like 3 years ago my mom accidentally met his sister. We hang out and do stuff every so often and she’s cool but when I think about her or I look at her I get depressed. I start to think about this entire family that to this day still doesn’t know I exist. I worry constantly that I am going to see my father or his parents in the store or around town because they live in the same city at me. I have met his parents twice and both times it was uncomfortable and just made me feel even worse. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but it’s just so much all the time.

My aunt didn’t even know I existed until she and my mom met. He never told anyone in his family that I even existed. When I was little and got mad at my mom I would cry for him or more the thought of him because I didn’t know any better. To this day and even in this moment i’m still crying for the thought of him. I have only heard bad things about him from my aunt and mom but it doesn’t make it any easier. I’ve tried to tell my mom but i feel like she blames herself but it’s not her fault that they are so awful. I just feel rejected by everyone. The only friends I have live in other states and countries and I have no one to talk to about any of this.

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