One day in 2012 I offered my help to a man with a broken leg, no family in this country and only two very busy good friends. It is in my nature to help others without expecting something in return. I thought it would be nice to have a new friend, I felt bad he was experiencing hardship. Three months later after helping him carry his laundry, grocery shopping and keeping him company over the weekend (I had nothing else to do and I like this company), he kissed me. I kissed him back because I felt a warmth in my heart and little did I know my friendly feelings grew to love very quickly. The soulmate kinda love, effortless and magical.
2013 was the best year of my life, we rode his motorcycle everywhere in L.A., Las Vegas and Long Beach. Organic chemistry and lovely quiet dinners in his very messy studio in Long Beach. He became the most important person in my life and I of his. We loved each other in the most honest, genuine way. We truly made each other better human beings. We were both in our early 30s and life couldn’t get any better.
One day he said he was going to move back to his country soon, Switzerland, and my heart broke. He then asked me “would you move with me” without a doubt I said YES! Months later I told him I wanted to get married and live in the Cali for at least 3 years before moving to Switzerland for the rest of my life. I needed time prepared emotionally and financially for such permanent and far away relocation. Soon after the relationship struggled to keep its magic. He no longer asked me to leave with him, I presented many options to him, but he never asked me again. I broke up with him and he left. For months I was depress, constantly crying with a shattered world. One day I woke up decided to love myself and start patching up my heart. On Valentine’s day (5 months after he left) a box of expensive chocolate were deliver to me, with a note from him. I cried so much that day, why would he reach out to me months after he broke my heart. For 3 plus years we were in an On and Off long distance relationship with some in person visits, always ending the same way, “I love you and I can’t live without you…….” but never a proposal to be his life partner, wife or fiance.
December 29th, 2018 at 11:21 pm – after three months after we broke up (again), he called and said “Guess where I am?” I said,’guessing by the time, home having breakfast’. He said, “I just landed at LAX, I came to win you back and take you home with me. Can I see you tomorrow?” I agreed to see him, the love of my life just flew over 5K miles to see me. When we met we embraced each other with great love, kiss on the lips (more like a peck), and looked into each others eyes. His visa was only for 3 months and he stayed all that time for me, for us, for himself. During this time we enjoyed our time together, we argued, we broke up twice and then he left. March 26, 2018 at 9:45 pm I said good bye to him and blocked his # (i told him I would do it). He left the same way he came, no proposal to be life partners, husband and wife…Nothing…..
“I love you and I can’t live without you……” He said…. He loves me, I know he does, but he loves himself more. My heart is very broken, my heart aches like never before, my future is uncertain, and I am afraid because he is no longer in my life. Time will heal, tomorrow will be better, someone better will come along, lots of fish in the sea, is his lost. I call BS…. Time moves so slow when we hurt, where are the many fish in the sea everyone talks about, today is no better than yesterday.
I invested 6 years of my life loving one man, welcoming him into my life each time he reached out to me, No More! I am learning to love myself again, One day at time. I don’t know how long my heart will be broken, I sometimes cry, but now I accept the breakup. I wait for the day I wake up and my heart doesn’t hurt anymore or I don’t feel sad when I think of him. We are living worlds apart in the misery of our broken hearts, I hope you don’t regret it.
Today I still love you, tomorrow maybe, in one year I will Not!