I met a girl at work that I immediately thought was beautiful, we both worked for the same company and have seen eachother in passing… When I was at a building of ours an hour south of the HQ training for a month she came to that building with a group of people from her division for a single day also for a training session & I joined them. I could immediately tell she was interested, & I asked her out for drinks sometime another day after work and she suggested we go that day & she was really happy to do so. During our time at the restaurant we had apps & a few drinks & she actually ends up a little tipsy & showing me her nipple rings while we were sitting at the bar which I thought was classless but hot, and she is amazingly beautiful & really fun to talk to. We ended up going back to my hotel room which was close so to calm down a little before she took the hour drive home & I told her I was interested in seeing her again, she came on to me SUPER aggressively I tried to resist but again SUPER beautiful and she even pulled up her skirt & sat on my lap, it was over & we ended up hooking up and it was great. (Now usually I never ask a girl out again if she sleeps with me on the first time we meet, but she was sooo beautiful & super fun to hang out with so I asked her if she wanted to hang out again later that weekend?) I broke my own rule which was my first & biggest mistake… we saw each other for about 2 months a few times a week usually having dinner & drinks then she stayed over & we always hooked up. I think she thought of it as a bootie call the first time she came over until when I greeted her outside & kissed her when we said hello she was not used to that, but I’m an old school type of guy in many ways… I opened the car doors for her walk on the side of the street, pull out her chair & most of all for if I sleep with a girl more than once I tend to fall for her because that means something to me and again she is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. After 2 months of seeing eachother and actually dating we still never actually put a label on anything & were going out having fun separately (I was not sleeping with anyone else, now I can’t be sure about her) so after 2 months I did ask her to be my date to one of my really good friends weddings & before that she had actually met some of the friends that would be at the wedding while we were out so it wouldn’t be awkward. I know I was stupid to keep pursuing her after the nipple thing & some of the other things she told me that I will leave out of the story… but I couldn’t help it & I fell for her HARD. She is a party girl & actually 10 years younger than me (I’m 36.) She goes to concerts all the time (sometimes alone. I didn’t care I looked past so many red flags.) So the wedding we went to was awesome & she was so perfect & got along with everyone there. That Sunday we left from Milwaukee back toward Chicago… She actually had the next full week off because she was changing jobs & companies & I would leaving for a work trip for a few weeks on the following Monday, so I asked her if she would want to relax and hang out with me again Sunday night to just chill and if she might mind giving me a ride to the airport in the morning..? (this is the first time I have ever asked her for anything & I have helped her with a few work & personal things in the past.) She said that she really wanted to go home and sleep because she actually went to a Sublime with Rome concert Friday night before the wedding on Saturday, so I understood & said no worries… Later that night she had a snapchat story was from a bar/live concert with that is about 15 minutes north from my house & she lives about 40 minutes south of me. She said it was last minute & she got an email and her friends wanted to go. She was out at a bar with friends (I know it was just one other guy because later she said it was someone meaning one person & she said that she said she didn’t even like him.) I got pretty upset since she denied hanging & relaxing with me & ends up going out to a free concert just near my house with “friends” & didn’t call me, or even consider hanging out afterwards. (Keep in mind on the ride home from the wedding that day we had a conversation about how I would really like to meet her friends.) I was upset but let it go & moved on to talk to her normally but I did ask her again that I would like to meet her friends & she danced around the topic for a week… I told her how I felt & that I cared about her, she said she really liked me to and was beginning to really care as well, but I think was my biggest mistake & what ended the relationship because she still was partying all the time & I know how she gets when she drinks (ie the nipple ring in the bar the first time we met) but I had to tell her because I know if she couldn’t say that we were actually together and monogamous I could never trust her after the past weekend debacle being out with another guy. Its been about 2 months since we talked & I still can not stop thinking about her, I think I really fell in love with her & know she is terrible for me & I would never be able to trust her but I’ve never felt so bad, hurt, betrayed, and stupid at the same time… What do I do?