Audrey – HEART BROKEN ANONYMOUS

Audrey


So, me and my boyfriend had been dating for about 2.5 years I moved into his house that he owns at about 10 months and I was absolutely in love. I’ve dated people casually in the past but, this was my first really boyfriend and the first person I genuinely cared about and felt that love reciprocated. Our relationship wasn’t perfect we fought a lot but, I never thought of it to be a big enough issue to be concerned about. Like I said, my first real relationship, so I figured it was normal. I do have to admit that I suffer from anxiety and was diagnosed with endometriosis during our relationship, so I am extremely hormonal and overall a very emotional and sensitive person. My boyfriend, I could tell struggled with knowing how to respond to my anxiety at times but he always reassured me how much he cared about and was there for me. Now we spent the entirety of 2017 remodeling his home to move out of his hometown suburb and into the city. We finished remodeling in the beginning of January 2018 and just in time to put the house on the market and go on a two week vacation to Thailand we had planned. Thailand was amazing and we did pretty good without any speed bumps…except on the last night. We got into a fight about something stupid that blew up and we both said and did things we should have. He ended the fight by yelling “That’s it. We’re done. When we get home you’re moving your shit out of my house!” I was honestly in such shock I didn’t react at first and than fell into a full blown panic attack. To make matters worse we had 30hrs of travel the next day that consisted of me crying in airports and him admiting he hasn’t been sure about us for a while. We would fight and he would second guess everything and then we would have a great day and he would think he was getting to in his own head. He eventually told me he would always love me but, he wasn’t in love with me. I couldn’t believe he was having these thoughts and felt my whole sense of reality shift. He said he would never lie to me and always tell me the truth but, when I confronted him about his feelings over the past few months and how he wasn’t honest with me he said he didn’t lie he just wasn’t sure. I moved out and have been in a pretty depressive state since but, we’ve been continuously talking since. Just off and on sending each other memes or random updates on what’s going on in our lives. Then, on my birthday (March 6th, shout out Ashley) I went over to his house to pick up some of my stuff that was still there and hang out with his dogs(who I also lost in the break up). We were talking about us and he said how he felt shitty for not taking me to dinner or getting me anything special and I commented “you’re not my boyfriend anymore you don’t owe me anything and you don’t love me anymore” he then admired he didn’t mean that and it was just “easier” to say at the time and that he is still in love with me but, we just have too many issues for us to work out right now. He’s continuously told me the only good thing for us is if we stop talking and seeing each other and who knows what will happen in the future without guaranteeing me of anything. Recently though, I’ve been calling him whenever I have a break down, because I’m still used to him being that person for me and he’s been saying stuff like I want us to be able to be friends and hang out but that won’t happen if we’re still in love with each other and it’s starting to make me angry. Not only because I’m starting to realize the fact that it’s really truly over and he doesn’t want to be with me but, also because he thinks he gets to break my heart and still keep me around as a buddy. It’s been two months now and I’ve honestly felt every emotion from hopeful, depressed and angry as fuck. It’s so hard because my entire sense of reality has shifted and I feel like this person that was my best friend and I trusted completely ripped it all away. I don’t have a close relationship with any of my family and he was my family, I felt safe. Now, I have all these insecruities and feel so lonely. I’m still coming to terms with being alone and my new life without him. And everyone tells me it takes time and I know that but I’m so ducking tired of hearing it and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it. Also, it’s been two months. What’s a reasonable amount of time to be depressed about this before my friends start to get sick of it. Whenever I talk to my ex about how I’m feeling he always comments it’s been two months already. I just don’t understand how someone could feel the way he claims he does and think that two months is enough to move on. For reference, I’m 24 and he’s 29.

Scroll to Top